Food is something that connects most people in India, Its a love language too for some specially mothers. Being a Jain, I was sure to speak about food/dietary restrictions in my arranged marriage meets, I was Jain enough to eat Jain food at home and certain religious days, but I also ate food with onion garlic on somedays. In the first meet, my husband told me , he had Jain food only and non-Jain food was out of context ,but he was ok with me eating non-Jain food. He also told me, he enjoyed food but with in the “boundary”. That’s when I understood how strict was he with his food. Today, we mostly bond over food, kitchen is where we have most of our conversations and everyday we have cooking dates. What I didn’t realize then was, these conversations shaped our kitchen that we created., the food, the rules , the taste , the comfort , cleaning , grocery management, even deciding the menu & cook when needed. Food is something that binds most of us. Food carries- identity, traditions, comfort, emotions , beliefs.
So, here are few questions that you can ask your arranged marriage prospect on first date:
- What’s your relationship with cooking? Do you enjoy cooking or its something that you do only when absolute necessary? This shifts the focus from cooking as a skill to attitude for cooking. If the person says I just can’t cook ask how do you manage if your mother/cook can’t cook and you can’t go to restaurants. Ask how did you manage in COVID? You can also ask some more questions like your signature dish.
- What does a typical weekday meal/ office lunch look like? – This can tell a lot about their lifestyle – like do they frequently order online or eat home cooked meals or skip meals due to work, then ask follow up questions on healthy lifestyle , balancing work life or just hiring help. Sometimes it feels like these questions are meaningless but you can question them often and notice the pattern as well.
- Dietary Restrictions or preferences that are important – Veg, Vegan, Jain, Non-Veg, restrictions due to religious practices, health conditions, allergies etc. Ask if they are currently following any restrictions due to cultural identity, morality or ethical reasons, or due to health conditions. Get to know the core value system with food. For this one could ask if you would prefer your partner also to have same preferences , what about children’s food habits that you would want to imbibe if due to religious beliefs
- When traveling do you try local food or carry your food/menu? – This reveals about their personality. like whether they experiment or cautious , or are they comfort driven? just notice what do they prefer more.
- When you are stressed – do you overeat/ have a go to meal / skip meal ? – Gives insight into emotional well-being and coping mechanisms. When someone asks you this, please don’t be flattered when they offer you – your comfort meal, you may confuse the feeling of comfort – was it due to food or was it due to their presence.
- Are there any family traditions around food that are important to you? like festival meals , fasting practices, or just sunday family lunch, outside dinner on sundays, regional cuisines that you love.
- Dish you associate with home food? Ask what food is best only when eaten at home.
- Food memories that make you laugh
- If you are meeting at a cafe/ restaurant notice How you decided on the place, Do they want to plan things out? Are they happy to go with the flow? Do they expect the other person to just pick? – notice the pattern this will tell about the excitement to meet, the willingness to accommodate , how small inconveniences are handled.
Why These Questions Matter
These questions aren’t really about food. They are about understanding everyday compatibility. Food conversations naturally uncover:
- Lifestyle habits
- Health priorities
- Family traditions
- Flexibility
- Cultural values
- Emotional connections
The goal isn’t to decide whether someone’s answers match yours perfectly. The goal is to understand whether your daily lives can work well together. Marriage isn’t built only on shared dreams .It’s also built on thousands of ordinary meals, small routines, and everyday choices.
Not having these conversations might build resentment after marriage when only one partner
Sometimes, the simplest questions lead to the most meaningful conversations.